Le homesick

I check my email first thing when I wake up like clockwork, I've done this since I began University.  Lately, it's because I have been feeling homesick and I like getting emails from friends and family - especially when they have photo or video attachments!  This morning's email was not what I would call fantastic and it kind of set the mood for the rest of my day. I was worried about my dogs, anyone that knows me knows that they are my world.  They are my babies.

I vented to a few choice friends, because I felt comfortable talking to them about it.. because that's how my close friends and I interact back home.  Since my father died I am not so great at filtering what I say.. it just kind of comes out when it needs to and lands where ever... with whoever.  I'm starting to realize that my friends here are not really as close as I allow myself to think sometimes.  I do this awesome thing where I just assume everyone is as comfortable and open with their lines of communication as I am.  That doesn't mean I don't know some fantastic people here, I am stoked on my new friends for sure!  But I get it.. I am still new here, these people are still (for the most part) relatively new in my life.. perhaps it's not so fair to dump my burdens on them and expect the same comfort to be returned as I might with my girl friends back home.

I really miss having friends that are girls.  REALLY miss it.  My friends back home are going to Vegas on thursday, and I am so excited for them because travelling is the best- but I am bursting with jealousy because I wish I could be with them.  Watching from far away is hard, and sometimes it hurts... I find myself constantly reminding myself why I am here.  Maybe I need to write positive notes for myself to remind myself better so it doesn't seem so lonely?

I came here to work, number one, because being a poor student sucks.  I wanted to gain valuable work experience in a different setting - check!  Work itself is awesome, stressful - but I definitely feel like I am growing as a person because of it.  I do really miss home though.. I miss living close to friends..  In Victoria if I was sad, I would go to the top of Mt Tolmie or go to Maude's with Ben or Tori.  I had these places that I felt safe, with people I was sure of.  I don't have that security here yet..  I sure hope I find it soon.  Nobody likes a Debbie Downer and I am clearly that right now. I don't mean to be.. just too many feels to sort through.

I would KILL for my onesy, puppy cuddles, a nice glass of wine, and some homemade soup.  Comfort.

Really, I think I just need a hug but I am not close enough with anyone here to expect one.


Le sad face.  Le homesick.

PS. - I can sort of hear out of my left ear now, it's quiet and kind of fuzzy (like having water in your ear or ear plugs) but that's a good sign!!  Atleast that's some good news...

Now i'm off to lay on my couch in PJs and stream the Bachelorette. I may eat my feelings.